Editor’s note: Welcome to summer! Every July, we publish a special edition of our Grab’n Go newsletter. It’s a FunFest edition that guarantees lots of smiles. Below, we’ve posted the FunFest issue from 2016, but if you’d like to receive this year’s edition, sign up on the CTA website

One-liners are staples in the world of humor. That sounds like a good starting point for this special newsletter. Let’s grab some one-liners and go for some smiles!

  • If God intended for us to use the metric system, Jesus would have had only 10 disciples and the book of Numbers would have had only 10 chapters.
  • I wonder if Eve ever went to tickle Adam in the ribs and missed.
  • I’m not sure what to think about this . . . there’s an update request from my Bible app.
  • What’s so great about living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus.
  • I finally realized why Waldo always wears striped shirts. He doesn’t want to be spotted.
  • Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
  • I gave up the word loaned for lent.
  • Verbs always seem tense and moody.
  • My exercise program consists of having a lot of stairs in my home and forgetting things.
  • My wife and I laugh at our competitive nature. But I laugh more.
  • My kids gave me a universal remote for my birthday. Wow, this changes everything.
  • Always remember you’re unique. Just like everyone else.

 

These lines made me think about the interesting and sometimes humorously worded one-lined wisdom in the book of Proverbs. For example (all of these come from ESV):

Proverbs 27:14Whoever blesses his neighbor with a loud voice, rising early in the morning, will be counted as cursing.

Note to parents of newborns and toddlers: This does not apply to your child. That just comes with parenthood. This too shall pass . . . along with the creamed peas.

Proverbs 21:19—It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman.

Note: I don’t write ’em. I’m just the messenger. Women, there may be ways for you to white-out the wo in woman in your Bible if it makes you feel better. By the way, this biblical one-liner proverb likely comes from the man who turned from God’s will by having 700 wives and 300 concubines! (Not to be confused with a rich farmer who has 300 combines.)

Proverbs 26:11—Like a dog that returns to his vomit is a fool who repeats his folly.

Note: Yuck. And again I say, yuck! My habitual sins not only need forgiveness but mouthwash.

Proverbs 26:17—Whoever meddles in a quarrel not his own is like one who takes a passing dog by the ears.

Note: I would add the words . . . or skunk. Snakes wouldn’t apply here. (But I wouldn’t touch them if they did.) I, for that matter, also wouldn’t mess with a child’s Mickey Mouse ears.

Proverbs 26:27—Whoever digs a pit will fall into it.

Note: Barbeque pits excluded.

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